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“Is Love Pain?" put a strong impact on the 18th Episode of THUNDERBOLTS

POSITIVE THOUGHTS CONSULTING & TRAINING SOLUTIONS presented its 18th Episode of THUNDERBOLTS, on 28th November 2021 @6:00 PM IST through ZOOM as well as showcased on “FACEBOOK LIVE” on the official page of “POSITIVE THOUGHTS”.

Positive Thoughts Family is a global community from PAN India and over 45 different countries, on a mission to learn, connect, share, and bridge the gap between Brands/Organizations/Nations and will work on the Mission of Empowerment for “STRESS-FREE EDUCATION & LIFE.”

This Elite Executive community is for all the like-minded Positive People from all across the globe who want to share, Inspire, and help each other grow their successes together by empowering one another.

For the Eighteenth Episode of THUNDERBOLTS, Ms Monica Dhawan was invited to speak on the vital topic “Is Love Pain?”

The Trainer, Ms Monica Dhawan is a Certified Graphologist, Motivational Speaker, Poet and Storyteller, Founder of Monica Talks, Transformation Coach and an Honourary Member of Positive Thoughts.

The show was hosted by Ms Shikha Chakravarty who is a Transformation Coach, Image Consultant, Public Speaking Coach, Social Media Content Creator and an Honourary Member of Positive Thoughts.

Ms Shikha Chakravarty began the session by introducing Positive Thoughts Consulting & Training Solutions. After sharing insight on the mission of Positive Thoughts, she introduced multi-award-winning Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and Social Activist - Dr Gaurav Sharma, the Founder & CEO of Positive Thoughts Consulting & Training Solutions & Co-Founder – 28 Credentials of Entrepreneur, Malaysia and added how he was spreading positivity and building a community of like-minded people filled with motivation and satisfaction, inviting Dr Gaurav Sharma to say a few words.

Dr Gaurav Sharma welcomed everyone with his high spirit and thanked the trainer of the eve Ms Monica Dhawan for accepting an invitation to educate the community on the vital subject with special gratitude to Ms Shikha Chakravarty for the wonderful start of the session.

Shikha added that why do we need to go for a relationship? This is because that we look forward to supporting, sharing our success and failure and having someone with us in the phases of life. Things sail smoothly in the beginning but as we move ahead the changes within us which used to make us happy, now start bringing us pain.

The dishonesty and jealousy start appearing and then there is a lack of communication, We don’t want to understand the perspective of the other person and people are not able to continue but due to societal pressure, they forcefully continue to stay together.

1. How this societal taboo is there in society?

2. How are individuals dealing with it?

3. How much is too much to tolerate?

4. Is it necessary to tolerate?

With these questions to the participants, she enthusiastically introduced the Trainer of the eve, Ms Monica Dhawan who is a Transformation Coach talking about change at the individual level helping women to become self-empowered to say NO to toxic relations as well as a social level that sensitizes people to understand the need of the current time.

Ms Monica Dhawan started with a quote from a poetry Hindi “Pyar Mein Dard Chhupa Hai, Ya Dard me Pyar, Ye to Sirf unhe hi pata hai jo hain iske shikaar” inviting participants to translate into English for the Global community present in the session.

The quote was translated in English by Dr Supriya Kumaravelan as “Is the pain hidden in love, or love is hidden in the pain, the person who is the victim of this can only realize”.

She continued with the poem and took the audience on the faces of Pain & Love and Dr Supriya translated the entire poem for the community members.

Ms Monica Dhawan tossed a question ‘What is Toxic Relationship’ and answered it as an ‘Entanglement’. She further added that “It is a relationship that one logically knows is not healthy but emotionally still crave for it”.

The Psychology of Pain and Pleasure is that your heart says to give your partner another chance and a little more time but your mind states not anymore. There is always a push and pull between mind and heart.

She stated an example on Toxic Relation with the ‘Fear of abandonment and Fear of Suffocation’ with a story and said that there was a girl who was either extremely happy or extremely disappointed which means that she was overly emotional and can cry for anything and everything. She had fluctuating mood with no regulation, was quick to apologise as well as very reactive and impulsive and accepts blame on herself for everything.

She continued that there was also a Boy who was equally opposed to the girl. He felt that he was the ‘Best’ and life of every party he was a part of. He was handsome, a controlled freak and manipulative. But he hardly said ‘Sorry’ and was highly insensitive with no empathy.

They both found themselves as a perfect match for each other. As time passed, what the girl liked about him became her fear that he never said ‘Sorry’ for whatever he did, so he may not respect her and leave her. This is Fear of Abandonment which gradually burst up into her heart, took her to the discomfort zone and she was losing her confidence in him. Simultaneously the guy also felt the ‘Fear of Suffocation’ as the questions raised by the girl in simple conversations now were turning repulsive and the boy starts neglecting her.

In toxic relations, people tend to do the opposite of what they should have been doing. These are:

-Toxic Communication is blaming/bringing shame to a partner and the partner may get violent or stay quiet.

-This quietness is known as Silent Treatment, where one does not value his/her partner and remains silent by controlling behaviour. This is the most dangerous tool than violence as when you don’t bring things out and remain silent, you try to stay away as you do not express that you are upset. This control is not acceptance but ignorance of your partner.

-When you start ignorance, you have no empathy towards your partner, you go out and freak with others leading to dishonesty and infidelity. This is cheating with Lies and Betrayal.

-When one faces confrontation, one tries to manipulate the situation by playing with the mind of your partner and making her believe that whatever she is thinking is not true but you know that it is. This is called Gaslighting Abuse. She gave classic examples from two Bollywood movies Beta & Drishyam.

Gaslighting Abuse is when your partner is manipulating and everybody also says so. One partner in this situation creates a space that is very positive for himself/herself and not so positive for the other. Here one is confronted and feels to move out of relation and approaches the expert for advice.

She raised the question that why do people stay in Toxic Relationships and answered that most women don’t walk out of such relations because of financial situations, children and lack of emotional confidence. Our society has majorly set standards for women for everything. Another major reason is Childhood Conditioning from the beginning, a girl child is told that you need to adjust and marriage is a compromise etc. We are never told that marriage is a blessing, marriage is love, marriage is beautiful.

Especially in India, we are told that marriage is a limited institute where we lose our freedom. We go low due to our family and relatives mostly. Such relations make a strong impact and people tend to break down emotionally as well as feel a loss of dignity.

She ended the session by highlighting a disorder impacting self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth, characterised by failure to recover after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD). This is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event. It is natural to feel afraid during and after a traumatic situation. Such people may have exaggerated reactions as we do not understand the situation they have gone through. In this, the mind starts expecting negative results with fear triggering many split-second changes in the body to help defend against danger or to avoid it.

At last, Dr Supriya Kumaravelan (Co-Chair of Positive Thoughts) gave the vote of thanks to Ms Monica Dhawan for giving her precious time on Thunderbolts. The session ended with virtual felicitation by the certificate to the Trainer Ms Monica Dhawan and the Host Ms Shikha Chakravarty.

The article is written by Mr Deepak Shrivastava (Content Manager of Positive Thoughts)

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