Marriage: Then, Now, and Beyond - Dr Pravin Dumbre

तदेव लग्नं सुदिनं तदेव ताराबलं चंद्रबलं तदेव ।

विद्याबलं दैवबलं तदेव लक्ष्मीपते तेंघ्रियुगं स्मरामि।।

“That very moment, that auspicious day, blessed by the strength of the stars and the moon, enriched with the power of knowledge and divine grace—O Lord of Lakshmi, I meditate upon your divine feet.”

You've probably heard these sacred lines at the end of a wedding ceremony. The priest chants, rice grains fly, everyone claps, and two lives are officially joined. Whether it’s at the bride’s home or the groom’s, the days leading up to the big day are a blur of excitement. Guests arrive in waves, the house buzzes with activity, and lagin ghai—wedding chaos—takes over.

The mandap is covered in flowers, tasha drums and shehnai music fill the air, and the wedding band plays its part. The night before, hands are painted in rich red mehendi. On the wedding day, families are dressed in their finest, with traditional rukhvat displays and januswada gifts beautifully arranged. A grandmother in a nine-yard saree, with a nath in her nose, watches closely to keep mischievous kids away from the sweets.

And then come the saptapadi—the seven sacred steps around the fire. That moment still touches the soul.

But wait—what’s that? Your children aren’t married yet? They’re already 30 or even 40? “Is a wedding even in our destiny?” you ask. And of course, that familiar WhatsApp forward pops up: “With so few years left, why bother tying the knot?” Sounds familiar? Clearly, something has gone off track.

From Child Marriages to Career Delays

Once upon a time, marriages were arranged when children were still in cradles—often within the family. A cousin, an uncle’s daughter—marrying within the circle was normal. Trust and tradition held those bonds firm.

But times changed. Close-relative marriages were set aside, but kids as young as eight or ten were still wed, often without ever meeting. The elders decided. The supari was exchanged. The bride joined her husband’s family, and life moved on—filled with work, expectations, and limited choices. Yet couples worked hard, supported each other, and slowly built joy from scratch.

Eventually, the question arose: “How can children bear the weight of marriage?” Enter the Child Marriage Prevention Act. The minimum legal ages—21 for men and 18 for women—were introduced to ensure maturity and financial readiness. A simple graduation once guaranteed a job. Matches were suggested quickly. Families, even with modest means, borrowed money to marry off daughters. It was a time of “good jobs, small businesses.”

Then the economy changed. Jobs dwindled. Trade became more attractive. Later, with the sixth and seventh pay commissions, IT jobs, engineering, and higher education, the cycle flipped again. In the race for careers, the marriageable age kept rising—quietly.

The Skewed Ratio: When Sons Were Preferred

Then came prenatal sex testing. Obsessed with having sons, families began aborting girls. Nature had its response: the gender ratio plummeted—700 girls for every 1,000 boys. Suddenly, eligible brides were scarce.

Gone were the days of royal polygamy. The Polygamy Prevention Act ensured that even finding one bride became a challenge for many. Especially in farming communities, grooms struggled. And then, the scams began.

Some women, in collusion with accomplices, began targeting these desperate families. They’d marry, disappear in days, and take valuables with them. These cases rarely made it to police stations or newspapers. But they happen.

Modern Woes: Haldi, Hashtags, and Heartbreak

Traditionally, after the haldi (turmeric) ceremony, the bride and groom were not supposed to wander outside. They were considered divine for the day, and stepping out was seen as inauspicious. Back then, the fear was of spirits. Now? It’s pre-marital flings that lead to runaways and elopements.

And the modern trend? Pre-wedding photoshoots. Grand, glamorous, multi-day affairs—often in Goa. The emotional proximity during these shoots has even led some couples to cancel weddings just days before.

Checklist Culture and Unrealistic Expectations

These days, if a match doesn’t work out, the default excuse is: “Their horoscopes don’t match.” Gone is the focus on character. Once, people looked for a good, educated, sober groom. Now? Families want a large salary, a managerial title, a flat, a car, and even land.

And if you’re lucky, all in one person.

It’s time we looked in the mirror and reassessed our expectations. Delayed marriages, driven by independence and self-focus, are driving divorce rates up. Despite the Dowry Prohibition Act, many still practice it indirectly—especially among the wealthy and educated.

Late marriages with large bank balances have also made individuals easy targets for online marriage scams, swindling victims of lakhs, even crores.

Reality Check: Marriage Is Compromise

They say, “Marriages are made in heaven.” Maybe. But heaven and hell are both experienced right here.

Our elders had a saying: “You lack the knack for compromise.” And they weren’t wrong. Nobody is perfect. Everyone comes with their own mix of flaws and strengths. Instead of waiting for that perfect match, maybe we need to learn to make it work with the good-enough ones.

Even couples with matching horoscopes—mangal dosha or not—are frequently seen in divorce courts. So what’s really going wrong?

Let’s rethink priorities. Don’t take loans for grand weddings. The tradition of aher (gift-giving) is fading—let’s let it go completely. Save the money in your children’s name. It might help them when life gets tough.

And please—let’s stop delaying the muhurta with long speeches. Your guests have traveled far. Respect their time. Stick to the time you chose. Let’s preserve this ancient institution—honestly, practically, and joyfully.

Dr. Pravin Dumbre

Originally Written By

Dr. Pravin Dumbre

Otur, Pune

Contact: 9766550643

Translated By

Dr(HC) Prachetan Potadar